It's when he left to go home that my thoughts came back and I would reach for another miracle in a pill bottle. I beat myself up constantly in those moments and seeing my mom be sick was a combination that made me physically ill.
I needed an escape.
I couldn't be with Chris 24/7 because we weren't living together and when I'm alone, with my thoughts, it isn't ever a good outcome. I would have a pity party and get caught up in my pain that I was setting myself up for major self-destructive behavior. Worse than before.